F*ck The Rules

It is apparent that most adults are tightly wound creatures busting at the seams, yearning for freedom of expression and authenticity, yet fearful of the vulnerability of being imperfect and judged. We are not taught the importance of self-love and acceptance. We hold in our emotions and project unrealistic expectations onto others. We absorb the identity of what others expect us to be and we play our societal roles to a T. But at what cost?

Are you genuinely happy, healthy, and creating a vibrant life? Are you painting the world with your unique color, or are you blending in for fear of standing out? Are you holding yourself back because you don’t feel like you have permission to express yourself?

In our subconscious minds, hidden from sight, lays a rulebook for how to navigate life. Beyond the rules governed by moral and ethical perspectives are rules about appropriate self-expression. These include how you communicate your feelings, the comfort zones you adhere to, and the expectations you hold for yourself and others. The question is, did you consciously create the rules, or are you playing by someone else’s rules? Do you even know what’s in your rulebook? 

Were you reprimanded for speaking your truth? Were you told to hold in your emotions and suck it up? Did you learn it’s not safe to step outside the box and be different because people will judge you? Or, did you learn vicariously by watching others get in trouble for their expressions and decide not to repeat the same mistake? No matter what you learned about how to be in this world, it’s your responsibility to ensure it’s truly what you want for your own life. 

The quality of your life is determined by the content of your inner world. Whether you are aware of it or not, you are expressing who and what you have learned to be. What you don’t accept about yourself, you don’t accept in others. These social rules become your perceptual lens through which you see the world and dictate your reactions and judgments of others. These are the glasses we pass down to our children.

When you are blinded by the perceptual lenses and rules passed down by others, it’s easy to become unconsciously reactive to your environment and unaware of how your presence is impacting the quality of your relationships. Shifting the way you view yourself and the world around you is a critical step in creating a new landscape to play in. 

The voice of society and the opinion of others are like an audio tape on replay in our minds, drowning out the whisper from within asking us to take that step and stand tall. Our self-sabotaging habits keep us from living up to our full potential, despite our insatiable desire to feel more whole and alive. We play small and hide behind the limiting stories of our minds because we are too afraid of doing something different. We are ashamed of being vulnerable and letting the world see all the stuff we stored away for a rainy day. It doesn’t help that the voice of society tells us to hide certain parts of ourselves for fear of being judged and looking crazy. But here’s the issue: What we push down and try to avoid is energy lodged in our body, vibrating for the world to feel. This is the heavy weight we carry around. No matter how much we try to hide or avoid it, it’s always there waiting for the day we will be brave enough to acknowledge it. As long as we remain chained to our old way of being and unconsciously play into the social agreements that restrict vulnerable and authentic self-expression, we will struggle to move forward. 

We are all perpetuating this dysfunctional cycle by hiding ourselves and judging others.

How will we ever create a deeply connected world that values diversity and empowers each person to shine their unique light if we don’t even recognize the light within ourselves? How will we inspire the next generation to live extraordinary lives if we keep doing what hasn’t been working? There must be another way to function as a society. There must be a way for us to thrive together. 

GET OUT OF YOUR BOX 

The mental, emotional, and physical walls that box you into your present reality are likely constructed by an outdated rulebook and have little to do with who you really are. Tapping into your true self is like turning on the light in a dark hallway because it illuminates the false walls that keep you feeling trapped. Defining yourself by your past experiences is like buying into the illusion that you are forever stuck in that hallway. You are not. The walls will crumble once you believe you are no longer limited by the obstacles that stand in front of you. How bright can you really be if you’re stuck behind four walls? 

Stepping out of your own way so your full self may express freely requires you to shift your perception of what is possible and let go of your resistance to being vulnerable. Yes, it’s scary. I totally get that. But so is the reality of feeling trapped within yourself for the remainder of your days on earth. Would you rather feel uncomfortable emotions from time to time and grow from the experience, or live a life filled with regret from missed opportunities and the heavy weight of unprocessed emotions? You have more potential than your mind will allow you to fathom and this is an opportunity to take hold of the viewfinder and essentially say, “fuck the rules, this is my life.” Your kids will thank you for this gift you give to yourself.

The unseen power that lies behind the chatter of your rambling mind is waiting for you to tune in, listen without expectation, and take action when needed. This is when miracles occur.  As you blow on the flame that resides within, it illuminates the fallacies of your subconscious mind and restores the power to make the changes you seek in your life. 

We are all products of our journey. Some find strength to overcome the monumental challenges that stand in their way, while others are hardened or weakened by life’s weathering. We haven’t learned about compassion, forgiveness, mindfulness, projection, unconditional love, trust, authenticity, or vulnerability. That is obvious by the state of affairs around the world and surely isn’t an aspect of the public education system in the Western world. We’re all bruised in some way by our experiences. This is what makes us human. Our shared experiences of pain, triumph, and victory no matter how big or small are the threads that bond us in our human condition. Learning to show the real, raw, and vulnerable parts of ourselves is the path to creating more intimacy in relationships. We can finally see that we’re not that different after all. If we remove our façade of perfection to let the authentic self shine, it significantly increases our sense of confidence in who we really are. Otherwise, we walk around meeting strangers over and over again, until one of us is ready to be real and let the other person in. We project onto successful people, placing them on a pedestal and minimize our success along the way. How the hell is this helping anyone? The rules are the glue binding us to our perpetual loneliness and a sense of disconnection. 

Life boils down to a series of choices. You can take personal responsibility for the quality of your inner world knowing it creates your experiences, or you can play victim to circumstance. You can express yourself authentically leaving your unique mark on this world, or hide behind your socially acceptable mask which dims your light. You can step outside of your comfort zone and be vulnerable in order to grow, or stay exactly where you are. You can learn to trust the process of life as it unfolds knowing your hardships are lessons, or you can continue to feel as if nothing ever goes your way. You can choose to fine tune the quality of your presence and be a role model to the next generation, or you can live in reaction to your environment and unconsciously pass along your social rulebook to our children. It’s really up to you. 

Our reactions based on past programming are the stones in the road we tend to trip over. We repeat the same patterns expecting different results until life comes along and gives us new tools to build a more solid foundation. But this doesn’t have to be the only way. Gaining wisdom from the hard knocks of life is an old way of evolving. Choosing to take steps each day to explore your inner world without judgment, listening to the quality of your self-talk with curiosity, and training your brain to be still in the present moment will exponentially increase your level of self-awareness and make lasting changes in the way you show up in the world.

Within you lies all of the answers you’ll ever need along with the power to heal and transform your entire life.

Hitting your breaking point simply means a new horizon is about to open, but only if you choose to seize the opportunity. Discovering who you really are and reconstructing your life to live in alignment is one of the most rewarding, yet challenging missions we can embark on as humans. 

I have interviewed countless people to figure out the catalyst for their downward spiral and learned it has less to do with their worth or capacity for success and more to do with a lack of tools to efficiently process their own emotions. Maybe deep down inside you there is a dormant seed waiting to be watered by the light of a new perspective. Maybe others have this seed too, yearning for someone to reflect the possibility for growth and transformation.

At some point, all seedlings must break free from the shell that holds them back in order to grow. I hit my emotional breaking point at a young age as a result of the destructive stories I created about my self-worth and my habit of repressing my emotions. I could sense there was sunlight above the ground covering my shell and desired to break free and blossom. 

I was forced to tear down the walls of negative perceptions to consciously rework the foundation of my life. I had to let go of the opinions and expectations of others and learn how to take back my power so that I could create the life I truly wanted. I was not a victim of my world, but an active participant with new opportunities to thrive each and every day. I had to disengage from the push-pull battle of needing to be understood and simply be OK with the fact that I am different. 

But let me be real here. It was hard as hell

to get to this place because I always felt alone and didn’t fully understand how to surrender. I thought I should be farther along than I was and constantly compared myself to others who were flourishing. It wasn’t until I realized I am exactly where I am supposed to be and learned to trust the process as it is that I finally broke free from having to work so hard. I’m not supposed to be like anyone else. Sure, I admire many people for their badassery, but once I started to love myself just as I am, I discovered I’m kind of a badass too. Who knew? 

No matter who you are and what life you have lived, at your core you are good enough and deserve love. The choices you have made and actions you have taken are yours to own. But they do not define who you are and what you are capable of. You are not your thoughts, cultural conditioning, past experiences, or even your self-identified personality. The real you is the observer behind the scenes. You are a light flickering from the flame that is yearning to be fanned. As soon as you begin to embrace yourself as a magnificent, creative, and universal force of energy you will have the ability to transcend all barriers and obstacles. When you open yourself to receiving more love, abundance, and happiness, you begin to receive more of the same. So why would you want to continue functioning as if you have no control? You are an alchemist. Own it.